It is rare that I have a hard time coming up with a title for my posts, but I’m just not quite sure what to call this one. It’s regarding a culmination of memories, fear, and faith; so I just don’t know. I’ll just roll with it and leave it along for now.
     Those who know me personally probably know what I’m about to talk about already. Something happened this past week that had me a little concerned. I wasn’t afraid of death or the ‘after’ or anything . . . in that sense my bags are packed and I’m ready to go. But; what kept going through my mind was first seeing my father on the floor of our living room the night I came home after hearing he’d had a stroke. I wasn’t there when it happened, I was dropping a date off when my brother called me, he told me what had happened. By the time I got there the ambulance was already there and working on pops. His speech was slurred, he was incoherent, and the left side of his body was limp.
     So, when the left side of my face was numb and my eye was drooping I got a little worried. Even more so after I felt light-headed going up to the nurses station at work. The ambulance took me to the hospital; after blood work, several ‘mental’ tests, cat scan, etc the verdict came back that it was just deep sinusitis that was putting pressure on a few nerves in my face causing the numbness, pain, swelling, and Optic Neurosis. Big fancy words for pressure on nerves or irritated nerves.
     For time there though I didn’t know what it was. Due to some miscommunication my wife and family was not contacted; in truth no one save the nurse knew where I was. I was worried that she was worried and no one had even told her, looking back that seems funny, kind of. But while all this was going on I kept thinking of dad; how things must have seemed to him. I didn’t understand why I had a hard time making sense of things . . . I didn’t understand why my head felt the way it did . . . all in all it was kind of frightening. But, I can’t say that I feared death or anything . . . strokes are serious and all and I’m not saying I was taking it lightly . . . but what kept crossing my mind was my wife and daughter.
     I mean if something happened to me who would be around to hassle my wife? Who wouldn’t take out the trash? Who would tickle my daughter or hang her upside down? Who would she watch Rugby & Football with? Who’s feet would touch my wife’s and let her know it’s all going to be alright? Did they or would they have enough financial means to make it? Now, please, please, please understand I’m not making light of any of this. These are honestly the thoughts on my mind. Like I said, ended up being nothing more than a nasty infection.
     So, what I learned is this. I mean more than I thought to some people. Having the faith that I do I don’t fear death; in fact I look forward to going home one day . . . but I’m in no hurry to leave a beautiful wife and daughter. They’re both amazingly beautiful and intelligent; Daughter is going to do just fine because she’s got her mother’s strength. The point of all of this is I learned another lesson. On September 11 I learned that I had lost my fear of the future . . . this past Thursday I just kept thinking of all the “could haves” and “should haves” . . . so this morning, I went outside and ate oatmeal with my daughter. I showed her how to use a hammer and told her about her papaw john’s pocket knife.
     There is nothing dramatic about this, my fear is that this post will come off as drama . . . it’s not. I just was in a spot that I’m seldom in (thank goodness) and I thought I’d share some lessons out of it.