I can't quite seem to place my finger on it.  My heart and mind are heavy . . . I don't know if it's simply because i'm currently on vacation and therefore able to think more or if it's something else.  I didn't get to start my new routine today which in and of itself is no real big deal.  Later today I'll go and hang out with some friends so maybe that'll change my perspective.  My mind is a flood of memories that I wish I could erase; pain that I've caused, pleasures I've enjoyed, things that I've done.  I know beyond anything that nothing can be done about them so I don't know why my mind is so fixated on them.  It's my vacation for crying out loud, I should be kicking back and enjoying myself a little.
     I'm hoping that a trip to the gym and getting some work done on the business will serve as a good distraction.  If I still had access to all of the games that I used to play I'd normally dive into them and run from this onslaught.  But I've given up my gamer lifestyle and I've yet to find something to replace it.  My coping skills have gotten a 'reset' so I need to find a new way to deal.  I think in the long run this is better, because it makes sense that it'd be better to face your issues as opposed to hiding from them in a game right?  Though hiding is much easier, I don't have to face who I've been and try so hard to focus on who I am and who I've become.  In the end I guess it doesn't really matter though.  I am where I am and that's where I'll be.